the most dangerous job in the world

Thanks to Elisabeth, I have learned of the most dangerous job in the world, and I have decided that I will do everything in my power to avoid such a treacherous occupation: being a Disney mother. The evidence is so clear. Snow White, Mowgli, Ariel, Chicken Little, Belle, Cinderella, Remy, Olivia, Pocahontas, Arthur (Wart), Aladdin, Kuzco...Their mothers have all disappeared. They have died at some point before the stories even begin. Every one of them. Have they died of illness? Were they murdered? Did they merely run out on their small children? Who's to know? And then we look at some of the other poor Disney characters like Bambi, Koda, Nemo, Todd, and Tarzan--all boys--whose mothers were killed before our very eyes. Slaughtered. Murdered. So much for that "G" rating.

Of course we also have bad mothers who neglect their children. Aurora's mother gives her daughter up. So typical of celebrity mothers. Her daughter is raised by nannies. Hera could have found some way to raise her son, Hercules. She was a goddess, for goodness sake. But no. She passes the buck off to someone else. She doesn't want to be responsible for his failure. Oliver is just left in a box in the rain on the dangerous streets of New York. What kind of mother does that? Then there's Jenny, Oliver's new owner, whose mother is too rich and self-absorbed to even be with her little girl on her birthday. Lewis's mother leaves him in a box in the dead of night. How kind. Drop him off, relieve yourself of all parental obligations. For all we know, she was a prostitute, a kidnapper, a meth addict, a thief, or a teenager. What kind of example is that setting for children, or mothers, for that matter? Boo is missing for who knows how long, and yet her parents don't seem to be too concerned. I'm sure they would have made some kind of appearance had they really cared for her. Perhaps her parents hadn't even given her a name, which is why Sully has to invent one for her. And a girl with that much hair and who has graduated from a crib should be talking. Obviously her parents have neglected her. Mary Darling was too careless in leaving her children with only a dog to keep them safe. And she didn't teach her children not to talk to strangers. At that point, Wendy should have been taught which boys to say no to. One who would take her from her house would not be a good suitor. Mulan's parents expect so much of her that she has no choice but to escape to recover the shame she brought to the family, which was really no shame at all. Cody's mother, who may or may not be a single parent, lets her son run wild in the Outback, where some of the world's dangerous creatures live. She lets him leave without even making sure he has a well-balanced breakfast, and then she doesn't hesitate to let him go off and play with kangaroos, which, incidentally, are incredibly dangerous. When Scar tells Sarabi that her husband and son have been killed, she doesn't bother to go searching for bodies to give them a proper burial. No, she just assumes that Scar is telling the truth. And then, once Simba returns, she encourages him to marry (or at least have children with) his half-sister. Did no one ever notice this before? One lion to a whole den of lionesses. Simba and Nala: different mothers, same father. Incest. While Mrs. Jumbo might have been a good mother, she winds up in jail after defending her baby. A worthy cause, but who is to raise the darling now? Did she not think of that before she lost her temper?

Very few Disney mothers have been somewhat successful in motherhood. Helen Parr, for instance, cares deeply for her children. Despite the dangerous circumstances placed upon her thanks to the stupidity of her husband, she protects her children. Dutchess, a single mother, protects her kittens with her life. Sure, she allows a little riff-raff into their lives, but that's only because the charming O'Malley is her only hope for getting back home. She doesn't abandon her kittens, even when she could have easily ditched them. Andy's mother, though never explicitly mentioned, is probably a single parent. Perhaps she is widowed. Even if she does have a husband, he is definitely a workaholic because he doesn't spend any time with his children. So whether she is single or married, she is left to raise Andy and Molly on her own. She doesn't spoil her children, but she doesn't deny them of the pleasures of childhood, namely occasional pizza nights and birthday parties, and even though she may not have a large budget, she tries to give Andy and Molly a variety of toys that every child should grow up with. Kanga is also definitely a good mother to Roo. The legitimacy of his birth may be in questions, but Kanga always has a close eye on her adventurous little tyke. One might criticize Perdita for not being more careful with her pups. She did, after all, leave them with with a qualified babysitter while she relieved herself. And once she found her children missing, she immediately sought help and then went out in search for her children. Instead of abandoning the homeless eighty-six puppies, she mothers them all without hesitancy. Finally, a self-sacrificing Disney mother.

We bring these movies into our homes, assuming that they'll offer good morals and entertainment. Who ever found entertainment watching a poor mother stranded on an African island get eaten by a cheetah? Where are the good morals in a sixteen-year-old, meth-addicted prostitute having a baby and then dumping him off on the steps of an orphanage without even knocking or ringing the bell? He could have died of pneumonia!

And yet, I am a proud owner of a Disney Movie Club Card.