calendar girl

Today I changed my calendar from January to February. Since Stephanie has been making family calendars, each month's end always presents a certain excitement. What will the new month look like? Which family pictures made it into this year's edition? I have looked through this calendar several times, but I am still excited when the pictures of the new month proudly overlook my occasionally-clean bedroom. As you may or may not know, I turn 22 on Sunday. I decided to give my own version of how my 22nd year of life has played out. I hope you enjoy:

FEBRUARY
~ A visit from Mom and Dad in Rexburg to take me shopping for new shoes (thank goodness!) and a meeting involving an assessment of the temporary living arrangements with the Samuelson family.
~ The sudden passing of President Hinckley and welcoming in of President Monson, just in time for the Rexburg Temple Celebration (I was one of seven from my ward to go) and the Dedication (a truly uplifting and enriching experience)
~ A lot of panic attacks and mixed emotions, counseling, medications--basically a nightmare.
~ Trip home for a weekend with Grammy and Sierra. The best part--shopping for a blessing dress for Sophie! Dad is right in Grammy's eyes.
~ The decision to medically withdraw from school. Again, a nightmare.
~ Acceptance into the NULC (National Undergraduate Literature Conference) at Weber State in April

MARCH
~ A tearful farewell to Rexburg and the move "home." For the first time, I actually live in Syracuse
~ A week of hell, followed by a two-week trip to Seattle to see newborn Sophie. Despite all the struggles, a definite highlight.

APRIL
~ General Conference in Rexburg
~ Opt out of the NULC for health reasons
~ Begin therapy in Utah--demanding and exhausting, but on the whole, a good experience.
~Another Rexburg trip

MAY
~ Fly to Utah for a flash-family reunion and the blessing of Sophie. Family pictures that turned out FABULOUS!
~ A week with Aaron's family in Utah. So, so fun! Oh how I love my Talmage and Anya!

JUNE
~ A bunch of stuff that I don't remember (or maybe nothing really happened, which is quite possible!)
~ I think another trip to Rexburg

JULY
~ Independence Day in Rexburg
~ Brent and Nancy and their family drive out and spend a week in Utah. Lots of pool time, a little bit of sunburn, and AMAZING Oreo milkshakes.

AUGUST
~ Sarah's family in Utah, which slightly overlaps with Brent and Nancy's stay. Sophie is a doll. Sierra is a wonderful big sister.
~ Camping trip in Vernal. I'll admit now that I was a definite party-pooper.
~ My half-birthday (more important than the actual birthday, I think), Steph's birthday
~ Visit from Grammy over her birthday. Dad's right again! Who would have thought?
~ I'm sure another trip to Rexburg, but I have no idea.

SEPTEMBER
~ Back to school. Glad to be back, freaking out. Thank you, Brother Stoddard and Dr. Zohner!
~ Visit from Mom and Dad to help me buy a laptop. Most unsuccessful. Thank you, Brent, for helping me get a great deal through Boeing! Welcome to the Lindsey Kay Family, Benjamin Franklin Pierce!
~ A lot of homework, 27th Ward activities ("Are we a family? Yes! We're a family! Name of the family? 27th Ward!")

OCTOBER
~ Sick with a bad cold, the worst medication side effects, and a lot of missed class. Oh brother, here we go again...
~ A trip back to Utah for the release of HSM3. Good, but I'm just not as big of a fan as I once was.
~ More homework, FHE, and 27th Ward Activities. Visits from Liz and Kathryn Moore, the RSP and my VT. Both wonderful girls who definitely looked out for me.

NOVEMBER
~ Unsalvageable semester. Attempt to medically withdraw, major backfire, and back to Utah we go...This time without a spot saved for next semester. Tearful farewell.
~ Andra is home from her mission! It's about time! Eighteen months is just too long!
~ Fabulous Thanksgiving with Jason, Paul, and Heather. Rockband, a little Hokey 6, Brian Regan, and a newfound favorite--ventrilaquist Jeff-fa-fa Dun-ham (dot com).

DECEMBER
~ Initiation into the Meadow Park Branch. Such a blessing.
~ Santa gigs as "security officer" (see Paul Blart: Mall Cop). At last I can speak Elf! Problem: I can't stop!
~ Weekend trip to Rexburg to surprise Elisabeth at the end of the semester. Scary roads, but it was still worth it.
~ FHE with the Branch, Linger-longers, and various activities, as well as some Syracuse Junior High concerts and their production of It's a Wonderful Life with Stephanie.
~ Christmas Eve--visit to the Barnes' house to give the kids gifts and to see baby Kate, followed by our fancy dinner, and finished off with a nativity reinactment, treats, and matching jammies with the Palmers. By far the best Christmas Eve in Utah.
~ 5:00 Christmas Morning. Opening gifts, calling family, and an episode of the original Get Smart show before a dash to the airport, a long wait, and then a flight to Washington.
~ Santa appearances at Brent's and at Grammy's. Finally we get to see Sierra, Sophie, Rochelle, and LaMar. Oh...and their parents.
~ Sleeping at Grandma's house, Zoo Lights at Point Defiance, cabbage rolls with Grandma, sleepover with the grandkids, Olive Garden and party at Brent and Nancy's for New Years Eve...All so fun! Definitely the best Christmas season I've ever experienced. Perhaps the same next year only with Aaron and Brandon as well? ;-)

JANUARY
~ Day trip to Rexburg with some of Brianne's things.
~ Our hunt for kittens, and at last we have success! Welcome, Pip and Scrat! I didn't realize how much work they are, and how much trouble they can get into!
~ A week-long trip to Rexburg, compliments of Elisabeth. Such a great trip full of all my favorites: Jack-in-the-Box, MST3K, RocketMan, AFV, Whose Line, Champagne Thursday, Sims, late nights, laughing hysterically, Sunday dinner, cuddling with Isaac (a Samuelson grandson), playing with Ethan (another grandson), long conversations with Mom and Dad Sam and Paula, Applebee's, American Idol...I know I'm forgetting things, but this is all that comes to mind. And of course a few new favorites too, such as Sleepless in Seattle and dinner at The Backyard with Brianne, as well as a much-needed visit with Andra.

If you are still reading this, apparently you have nothing better to do with your time, and you are probably bored out of your mind. What I see as I look back over this exhausting year is a lot of the unexpected, some disappointment, attempts to feel even a little better...but I see so many good times with good people. I have made some amazing friends (Elisabeth, Mom Sam, Paula, Ben, the Moore sisters, Michael), developed new interests (watercolors, pastels, guitar, a great love of M*A*S*H), created memories that will forever remain among the best (time with the my siblings and their children, trips to Washington and Rexburg, church activities), and found help in some of the most unexpected places (Brother Stoddard, Samuelsons, Paula, Ben, Kim, Jane and Gerry, Liz, Bishop Mickelsen, President Moyes, the ever-talented Yoko). Family relationships have strengthened (Paul, Jason, Brianne, Nicole, Gary and Kina, Pamela, my grandparents) and passions have grown (writing, reading, painting, music-making). I have loved (new and old family and friends), lost (pride, self-worth, difficult goodbyes), and made up (strengthened relationships with my immediate family, reapplied to BYU-I, therapy). It has been awful, wonderful, difficult, exhausting, mind-boggling, crazy, fun, exciting, excruciating, and enchanting. I've experienced the my lowest moments, as well as some of my highest moments.

Thank you for helping me through the year. On to the next...

"home" for the holidays

This weekend I made a quick trip back to "the greatest place on Earth!" No, not DisneyLand (though that would have been really cool). I went to Rexburg. I drove up on Friday evening to surprise Elisabeth. She was very surprised! I had a great time up there. I watched two great Christmas movies--A Matter of Principle and the original Miracle on 34th Street. I had not seen either of them. I also watched several episodes of Whose Line is It Anyway?, Time Warp, and Destroyed in Seconds.

On Sunday, the Rexburg 15th Ward had their Christmas program. Elisabeth and Mom & Dad S were in the choir. Mom S also played the piano for the Primary kids, and Elisabeth played her cello for one of the choir pieces. It was a wonderful meeting. On Monday night I went to a REAL Family Home Evening! We went to Andrea (the oldest Samuelson) and Kevin's house for a lesson and activity. They have five boys between 13 and 1 years old--Adam, Nathan, Daniel, Seth, and Isaac. Also, the two younger Samuelson boys were there, Ian and Richard, with their wives and son's--Isaac (Ian's) and Ethan (Richard's). Andrea taught a lesson about gifts from Christ. Then Mom S and Elisabeth played "Sleigh Ride" on the piano. After that the kids went downstairs to watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," while the adults and Adam had a "white elephant" exchange. I got four stress-reliever lego pieces. They're fun. We had treats and watched some cute videos of Andrea's boys.

I painted three pictures to give to Dad & Mom S and Elisabeth. They will be up on Blackbird eventually, when I find a way to get the pictures from my camera to my computer. In return, Elisabeth gave me two of her drawings, both very beautiful, and Mom & Dad S gave me a framed picture of the four of us that was taken on Sunday before church. I had a hard time leaving them to come back to Utah, and they are already planning another time for me to come back.

Although I miss Idaho, I'm glad to be back in Utah. Mom & Dad, Stephanie, and I are going to see "Savior of the World" tonight at the Conference Center. On Christmas day we are flying to Washington to be with Sarah and Justin and their families. I'm so excited to be there. After being around so many little kids this weekend, I can't wait to see Sierra, Sophie, Rochelle, and LaMar!

Back to the Burg!

I'm finally back at school! When left in March I thought six months was way too long to be away. But after several trips and lots and lots of therapy and pills, here I am. I'm not sure that I'm really ready to be back. Every day I doubt my decision to be back. But I know that I am very blessed. All of my classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have a job on campus (and I can work the hours I want without the stress of deadlines like Scroll!), great roommates, the best bishopric I think I've ever had, and a warm and comforting home just up the street from my apartment when I just can't take "it" (whatever "it" may be) anymore. I spend most of my time at the Samuelsons. I always feel like a burden, but they assure me they love having me, and are always more than willing to accept me into their family. And when I'm not over there, Shauna asks where I am and why I'm not playing Family Feud or Pyramid with them, or sitting on their couch studying until I either fall asleep or have to hurry back to my apartment before the "sleepy pills" kick in for me and/or Elisabeth. We have a lot of fun watching Brian Regan over and over and over and over (I'm not sure I have enough "over"s in there). Thursday nights are Little Caesars pizza nights, and Sundays are Iron Chef nights. Lately Shauna, Elisabeth, and I have been watching Project Runway. It's not usually one I would watch on my own, but once it gets turned on, I just can't peel my eyes away.

But being "back to school" is not all about TV and Brian Regan and Meet the Robinsons and sleeping pills (though sometimes it seems like it). I am taking a lighter load of classes this semester than ever before, but that does not mean that it's easy by any means. I'm having a great struggle trying to find my place, trying to find a routine, trying to decide if I'm really ready to be back at school. But still I go, meeting with a counselor once a week and a psychiatrist once a month (incidentally, he is the father of my good friend Nicolas Zohner), and I try to get my homework done even when I don't feel up to it. Besides tutor training, I am taking two online classes (very simple, basic courses on time management and note-taking), and three classes that I attend on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The first class is American Literature: Colonial to Romantic. I have Brother Hammond for this class, a teacher I've never had before, but I will definitely take more classes from him in the future. He is a wonderful teacher, and I absolutely LOVE the subject matter. We get to read fun things like Native American creation and flood stories--very fascinating and often so full of truth--and letters written by Christopher Columbus and various Puritans. I've always been afraid of works written during this time period, but I'm finding that it's really not as difficult as I'd always thought.

Next I have Young Adult Literature, taught by Paula Soper, one of my dear friends. This is one of the classes that I was enrolled in last winter when I dropped out. I absolutely love this class. I get to read all kinds of books that I probably wouldn't normally pick up but that are so amazing. And what's awesome is that I'm getting credit for reading them! I have to be careful, though, because I tend to put off my other homework, and I have great justification for it--it's homework too! And the Book Orders. Oh Book Orders. I have a great weakness for them. Somehow I managed to get away with only spending $10.00 on the September Book Order!

And finally, I have Doctrines of the Gospel. I would say this is my favorite class, but I love all my classes so much. My teacher is Brother Wightman, the same teacher I had for all of my scripture-based classes. He is one of the best teachers I've ever had. Going into class is like walking into a portal where everything in the world completely disappears and we have a full hour to ask questions and explore some of the deep doctrines of the gospel. I get more in one of those lessons than I do in a whole three hours of church.

Some of you may know that while I was struggling this summer, my church attendance slipped. You can be sure that it is not because I was losing my testimony. And now, in a desire to commit myself more fully to Heavenly Father, I have been attending my ward from 9-12, and then going to the Samuelsons' ward from 1-4. Pulling double-duty is difficult, but I feel like I owe it to myself and to God to make up for the lost time. And I'm actually enjoying going to both wards.

I should probably end for now. I will try to keep this blog updated as much as possible. It's not like my life is all that exciting, so it might not get updated too much...But you never know what might happen in Rexburg. :) Check out my suggested reading list if you're interested in some GREAT books.

To Idaho and Back Again

I know it's been a while since I updated this blog. At last I have something to write about. I just spent almost two weeks in Rexburg with the Samuelsons. I had such a wonderful time there. While I was there I saw both Wall E and Kung Fu Panda (for the second time), and they were absolutely fabulous. I know I say this about every movie, but they are two of my favorites. Seriously. I also introduced the worlds of Brian Regan, "Human Tetris," and "fainting goats" to Elisabeth, and watched them all for endless hours on YouTube. Elisabeth and I spent some time painting, and both Saturdays I was there I watched Scott paint. He is an amazing artist. I love watching him work. I helped with cleaning while I was there, which definitely makes me feel right at home. I played a little too much with the three Samuelson cats--Milo, Asher, and Badger. My hands and feet are practically in pieces because I teased them and then got what I deserved. We watched a lot of Whose Line is It Anyway?, a favorite show in the Samuelson house. We also watched quite a bit on the Food Network, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite channels, and a little Mystery Science Theater 3000. Elisabeth and I both did quite a bit of writing, which was so good for me. It had been a long time since I'd written. Most of the time we spoke to each other in movie quotes. Elisabeth is the first person I've met that has been able to out-quote me! I still have her beat in Disney movies and Brian Regan, but she is quickly learning the best Regan phrases.

I spent Independence Day with the Samuelsons. We didn't make a big deal out of the holiday, which I prefer. Scott made a Dutch oven lunch, and Shauna made vanilla ice cream. It was so good! We spent the rest of the afternoon napping and playing Wii. That night, rather than watching fireworks, we watched a movie called Miss Firecracker, starring Holly Hunter. It was a pretty good movie, but a little depressing.

While I was there, I secured a job at the Reading Center in the McKay Library on campus. Julie Engstrom, the head of the Reading Center, is a good friend of mine. She gave me a job as a tutor that I will begin in the fall. I'm a little nervous about it, but I'm also excited. I finally get to say goodbye to Scroll (I've been waiting for that day!) and now have a job that hopefully won't give me ulcers like being a copy editor. I'm looking forward to the experience.

I am looking forward to getting back to Rexburg for school. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the rest of my summer as family and friends come to visit. Today Elisabeth is arriving to stay for the week. Later in the month Sarah and her family will be here, and next month I have some extended family coming to stay.

I hope everyone is doing well and had a fun and safe July 4th!

Sorry, no new writing yet...

I just realized it's been exactly a month since I last updated my blog. I was hoping that by this time I would have some type of creative writing written, but it hasn't happened yet. Things have been kind of busy for me lately. I'm hoping once things settle down a bit, I'll be able to spend some more time writing what I want to write.

So this is what I've been up to...
I went to Washington with my parents to see my newborn niece. I had such a great time holding the baby and helping Sierra (another niece) with her homework and teaching her the Rubiks Cube. And she got it! I couldn't have been prouder! This weekend, though it was General Conference, I left Utah and come to Rexburg (where I am right now). It was my first time driving to Rexburg by myself. Of course I have made the trip many times, but never on my own, and never while I was driving. The Samuelson family graciously invited me to stay with them for a few days. I have had a great time playing card games and mixing salt water taffy with Elisabeth, and the unique experience of watching Scott do his magic with watercolors. On Sunday, Shauna and I went to a nearby park and fed ducks. While we were there we saw a blue heron and a bald eagle. It was amazing! And the ducks went crazy when we got there with bread. They immediately surrounded us. Shauna and I ended up standing back to back and feeding the ducks right at our feet. A lame duck took quite a while to come up to me, so I made sure to give him extra bread. And a particularly impatient duck pecked my legs if I didn't feed him every other piece of bread. Needless to say, I have a few bruises on my leg and a possible even greater phobia of ducks!

I guess that's all for now. Although I keep saying this, I will try harder to keep this blog updated.
Hope all is going well with you all!

Update

I guess it's about time I update. A lot has changed in the last few weeks. Probably everyone that looks at my blog already knows what's been going on, but this is a chance to hear it the way I choose to tell it.

As I said on a previous post, I was staying with the Samuelson family during February. As it turns out, I stayed there from the last week of January to 1 March. I didn't intend to stay so long, but Elisabeth insisted I stay. She is the last of the Samuelson crew at home, and enjoyed having a sister for a month. She is a wonderful older sister...by ten months. I was hesitant to stay, always worrying that I was imposing, but I did enjoy my time there. They helped me a lot as I've been dealing with health problems. The last week of February I decided to withdraw from school. We were at midterms, and while my teachers were more than willing to help, I was, to use a cliche that I hate, in over my head.

Now I am "home" in Utah. I have been here all week. It's a very weird thing to be in a strange house with my parents, my sister, all my stuff, etc. I have been keeping myself busy with movies, American Idol, and organizing my room. I am embarking on a redecorating project. I'm painting my room. I think it will be good for me to have a project like this to keep my mind occupied. I'm hoping it will be therapeutic.

I don't have many more details, so I guess this is it for now. Perhaps soon I'll have some creative writing to post. We'll see how things go.

I Love to See the Temple

Many of you know that I have been staying with a family, the Samuelsons, for about a week and a half. They do not have high-speed internet, but they do have a good wireless signal from the school. I haven't been able to get it to work on my laptop, though. It has been driving me nuts! So, finally I figured out that my computer was trying to use the wrong program to connect. Once I figured that out, I just had to change the default setting, and now I have no problems connecting.

My life has not been exciting. Pathetic is more like it. The Samuelsons have been so good to me. I am grateful that they are here and so able to help. I have become a little sister (again!) to Elisabeth, who is 21 as well. We have a great time together. Although they have an a spare bedroom, I sleep on a mattress on the floor in Elisabeth's room. She has been so gracious in sharing her space. Shauna (Sister Samuelson) has become another mother, which is just what I need. We watch "What Not to Wear" and "Cash Cab" together during the day, and she makes sure I take my medication and eat three meals a day. . . . She won't let me leave the house unless I've eaten breakfast, and even if it's time for the next meal and I haven't eaten, she'll make sure I eat two meals. Brother Samuelson makes sure I'm included in family scripture study and prayer, he checks up on me a few times a day, and he gives me occasional friendly reminders to do my English 370R homework. . . . He's the teacher.

Last night I was able to go to the Cultural Celebration for the Rexburg Idaho Temple. Elder Nelson and Elder Bednar were both there with their wives. I was at the earlier performance, but I think President Monson was at the later performance. Too bad. It was quite a big production. It basically went through the history of Rexburg from the time the pioneers came here to settle to now. There was singing and dancing and videos to tell the story. They talked about how the conditions were for the pioneers, then about the beginning of Ricks Academy. They talked about a big fire in West Yellowstone that several students helped with and, of course, the dam flood. They then talked about the expansion of Ricks College and BYU-Idaho, and then about the construction of the temple and how it is a fulfillment of the prophecy made my Wilford Woodruff so many years ago.

This morning I went to the first of four sessions of the dedication. I was in the Kirkum Auditorium on campus for the dedication. President Monson, of course, presided, and he was accompanied by Elder Nelson, Elder Bednar, and Elder Costa (Presidency of the 70). President Eyring was supposed to be here, but he broke his ankle and was not allowed to travel. President Monson proved that he has the same sense of humor as President Hinckley when they were sealing the cornerstone. He is a great man, and I am so glad he was able to be here for this.

So, I guess that's all for now. I'll try to keep you all updated if more happens. Maybe I'll start going on hot dates and get engaged in my spare time. Or not. I don't have a very good record. I just realized that now that I am 21, I have been on one date every seven years of my life. Three dates, divided by 21 years. Pathetic, huh? Oh well. Some day. Maybe.