the idiosyncratic

I can do the Rubik's cube, but I am far from being a genius. I just follow the steps. I keep my lubia and rice separate, even though I eat them together. I change my socks several times a day. I love editing. I can do one thing for hours. I can't wear just one shirt. It always has to be two or three, sometimes more. I save water bottles to refill them, even though I can't stand drinking from a refilled water bottle. I'd prefer to sleep on the floor than in a bed. Beds are just too darn high off the ground. I want to marry a man who'll buy me cherry cordials simply because he knows I hate them, so he can eat them by himself. I love books and literature, but I don't read. I spend hours doing one thing, but I can't sit and focus for three hours in church. I know I hate salmon, yet I continue to try eating it, hoping that eventually I'll say, "Hey, that's great!" I love dogs, but I'm afraid of them. I wore hoodies every day in high school. After graduation I cut most of them up, but I soon replaced them with new ones. When I'm happy I want milk chocolate; when I'm depressed I want dark chocolate. I hate semisweet. I don't have a favorite color because I can't make up my mind. My favorite food in the entire world--grilled cheese sandwich. I'd rather have that than any gourmet food from the best restaurants; I prefer American cheese as opposed to any other kind of cheese, and I favor cheap white bread. I hate running, but I did cross country for four years, and track for three. I am obsessive compulsive about pushing buttons, picking at dead skin, licking and biting my lips, checking the time, checking my email (I know a lot of people do this, but I'm talking 75 to 100 times a day, no joke), and scratching my head until it bleeds. I don't clean because I also become obsessive compulsive about cleaning, so I have to be careful when I clean that I don't become OCD. I like to be hungry, and because of this, I can't fast on fast Sundays. I won't eat again if I stop. I want to live in Rexburg for the rest of my life, but I want to be buried in Woodbine Cemetery in Puyallup. I love rain. I gag on milk because of the taste and the semi-thickness, but I have no problem drinking chocolate or strawberry milk.

calendar girl

Today I changed my calendar from January to February. Since Stephanie has been making family calendars, each month's end always presents a certain excitement. What will the new month look like? Which family pictures made it into this year's edition? I have looked through this calendar several times, but I am still excited when the pictures of the new month proudly overlook my occasionally-clean bedroom. As you may or may not know, I turn 22 on Sunday. I decided to give my own version of how my 22nd year of life has played out. I hope you enjoy:

FEBRUARY
~ A visit from Mom and Dad in Rexburg to take me shopping for new shoes (thank goodness!) and a meeting involving an assessment of the temporary living arrangements with the Samuelson family.
~ The sudden passing of President Hinckley and welcoming in of President Monson, just in time for the Rexburg Temple Celebration (I was one of seven from my ward to go) and the Dedication (a truly uplifting and enriching experience)
~ A lot of panic attacks and mixed emotions, counseling, medications--basically a nightmare.
~ Trip home for a weekend with Grammy and Sierra. The best part--shopping for a blessing dress for Sophie! Dad is right in Grammy's eyes.
~ The decision to medically withdraw from school. Again, a nightmare.
~ Acceptance into the NULC (National Undergraduate Literature Conference) at Weber State in April

MARCH
~ A tearful farewell to Rexburg and the move "home." For the first time, I actually live in Syracuse
~ A week of hell, followed by a two-week trip to Seattle to see newborn Sophie. Despite all the struggles, a definite highlight.

APRIL
~ General Conference in Rexburg
~ Opt out of the NULC for health reasons
~ Begin therapy in Utah--demanding and exhausting, but on the whole, a good experience.
~Another Rexburg trip

MAY
~ Fly to Utah for a flash-family reunion and the blessing of Sophie. Family pictures that turned out FABULOUS!
~ A week with Aaron's family in Utah. So, so fun! Oh how I love my Talmage and Anya!

JUNE
~ A bunch of stuff that I don't remember (or maybe nothing really happened, which is quite possible!)
~ I think another trip to Rexburg

JULY
~ Independence Day in Rexburg
~ Brent and Nancy and their family drive out and spend a week in Utah. Lots of pool time, a little bit of sunburn, and AMAZING Oreo milkshakes.

AUGUST
~ Sarah's family in Utah, which slightly overlaps with Brent and Nancy's stay. Sophie is a doll. Sierra is a wonderful big sister.
~ Camping trip in Vernal. I'll admit now that I was a definite party-pooper.
~ My half-birthday (more important than the actual birthday, I think), Steph's birthday
~ Visit from Grammy over her birthday. Dad's right again! Who would have thought?
~ I'm sure another trip to Rexburg, but I have no idea.

SEPTEMBER
~ Back to school. Glad to be back, freaking out. Thank you, Brother Stoddard and Dr. Zohner!
~ Visit from Mom and Dad to help me buy a laptop. Most unsuccessful. Thank you, Brent, for helping me get a great deal through Boeing! Welcome to the Lindsey Kay Family, Benjamin Franklin Pierce!
~ A lot of homework, 27th Ward activities ("Are we a family? Yes! We're a family! Name of the family? 27th Ward!")

OCTOBER
~ Sick with a bad cold, the worst medication side effects, and a lot of missed class. Oh brother, here we go again...
~ A trip back to Utah for the release of HSM3. Good, but I'm just not as big of a fan as I once was.
~ More homework, FHE, and 27th Ward Activities. Visits from Liz and Kathryn Moore, the RSP and my VT. Both wonderful girls who definitely looked out for me.

NOVEMBER
~ Unsalvageable semester. Attempt to medically withdraw, major backfire, and back to Utah we go...This time without a spot saved for next semester. Tearful farewell.
~ Andra is home from her mission! It's about time! Eighteen months is just too long!
~ Fabulous Thanksgiving with Jason, Paul, and Heather. Rockband, a little Hokey 6, Brian Regan, and a newfound favorite--ventrilaquist Jeff-fa-fa Dun-ham (dot com).

DECEMBER
~ Initiation into the Meadow Park Branch. Such a blessing.
~ Santa gigs as "security officer" (see Paul Blart: Mall Cop). At last I can speak Elf! Problem: I can't stop!
~ Weekend trip to Rexburg to surprise Elisabeth at the end of the semester. Scary roads, but it was still worth it.
~ FHE with the Branch, Linger-longers, and various activities, as well as some Syracuse Junior High concerts and their production of It's a Wonderful Life with Stephanie.
~ Christmas Eve--visit to the Barnes' house to give the kids gifts and to see baby Kate, followed by our fancy dinner, and finished off with a nativity reinactment, treats, and matching jammies with the Palmers. By far the best Christmas Eve in Utah.
~ 5:00 Christmas Morning. Opening gifts, calling family, and an episode of the original Get Smart show before a dash to the airport, a long wait, and then a flight to Washington.
~ Santa appearances at Brent's and at Grammy's. Finally we get to see Sierra, Sophie, Rochelle, and LaMar. Oh...and their parents.
~ Sleeping at Grandma's house, Zoo Lights at Point Defiance, cabbage rolls with Grandma, sleepover with the grandkids, Olive Garden and party at Brent and Nancy's for New Years Eve...All so fun! Definitely the best Christmas season I've ever experienced. Perhaps the same next year only with Aaron and Brandon as well? ;-)

JANUARY
~ Day trip to Rexburg with some of Brianne's things.
~ Our hunt for kittens, and at last we have success! Welcome, Pip and Scrat! I didn't realize how much work they are, and how much trouble they can get into!
~ A week-long trip to Rexburg, compliments of Elisabeth. Such a great trip full of all my favorites: Jack-in-the-Box, MST3K, RocketMan, AFV, Whose Line, Champagne Thursday, Sims, late nights, laughing hysterically, Sunday dinner, cuddling with Isaac (a Samuelson grandson), playing with Ethan (another grandson), long conversations with Mom and Dad Sam and Paula, Applebee's, American Idol...I know I'm forgetting things, but this is all that comes to mind. And of course a few new favorites too, such as Sleepless in Seattle and dinner at The Backyard with Brianne, as well as a much-needed visit with Andra.

If you are still reading this, apparently you have nothing better to do with your time, and you are probably bored out of your mind. What I see as I look back over this exhausting year is a lot of the unexpected, some disappointment, attempts to feel even a little better...but I see so many good times with good people. I have made some amazing friends (Elisabeth, Mom Sam, Paula, Ben, the Moore sisters, Michael), developed new interests (watercolors, pastels, guitar, a great love of M*A*S*H), created memories that will forever remain among the best (time with the my siblings and their children, trips to Washington and Rexburg, church activities), and found help in some of the most unexpected places (Brother Stoddard, Samuelsons, Paula, Ben, Kim, Jane and Gerry, Liz, Bishop Mickelsen, President Moyes, the ever-talented Yoko). Family relationships have strengthened (Paul, Jason, Brianne, Nicole, Gary and Kina, Pamela, my grandparents) and passions have grown (writing, reading, painting, music-making). I have loved (new and old family and friends), lost (pride, self-worth, difficult goodbyes), and made up (strengthened relationships with my immediate family, reapplied to BYU-I, therapy). It has been awful, wonderful, difficult, exhausting, mind-boggling, crazy, fun, exciting, excruciating, and enchanting. I've experienced the my lowest moments, as well as some of my highest moments.

Thank you for helping me through the year. On to the next...

check it out

You may have noticed that I enjoy blogs that truly express the author. This is why I love updating my sidebars, posts, etc. I know that not everyone likes this type of thing, but for those who do, I've decided to add a "check it out" at the top of my blog so right away you can see what I've updated or added. This idea was inspired by Facebook News Feed, which alerts you when changes have been made to your friends' Facebook accounts. I am also going to create a mailing list that will send out emails when I make a new post. If you would like to be on this list, leave a comment on this post or email me at mailto:lindsey-kay@hotmail.com. Thanks to all you who check my blog regularly!

our boys

Yes, it is true. My dad is no longer the only boy in the house. Christmas 2008's biggest surprise: two live kittens! After searching for babies, we finally found some at the animal shelter in Murray, and we brought home two brothers on Friday. Since then, all of us have had so much fun with the little boys. They are so curious and playful, but they are also so sweet. They love snuggling. We are positive they belong in the Kay family because they have this undying love for cords and electronics, go figure. We joked about naming them Aaron and Justin but decided that might be confusing. Instead, after much deliberation, we decided on Pipsqueak (Stephanie's) and Scranton (mine)--Pip and Scrat. As you may know, Pip is the name of the chipmunk on Enchanted, and Scrat is the squirrel on Ice Age. And for those of you who do not share our affinity for The Office, Scranton is a town in Pennsylvania where the show takes place. They really do seem to fit their names. At first we couldn't tell them apart very easily, but we finally have it straight. Pip has more grey fur mixed in with the black and dark brown and wears a blue collar, and Scrat has more brown than grey in his fur and wears a green collar.

I had forgotten how much work tiny kittens are. Pip and Scrat are only eight weeks old, so they are just barely old enough to be away from their mother. They are litter box trained, but they need help remembering sometimes. We are learning to recognize the signs that they have to go so we can make sure they get there in time. It's kind of like potty-training a toddler! Pip has not quite learned the difference between flesh and food. I tried to hand feed him a treat, and he took a huge chomp on my finger, drawing blood and all. It hurts. But no worries. He has had his shots, and I washed and Neosporin-ed it. And I promise not to limp. :-) They have antibiotics for a "kitty cold" that we give them twice a day. They hate it, and I hate having to force their mouths open. Pip, we think, has some kind of feline ADHD--he runs EVERYWHERE and can't focus on any one thing for more than a few seconds. Scrat is very lovey. He will crawl up your leg just to be close. He "knows his mummy" (as Hagrid says of Norbert). I walked into the downstairs bathroom, and Scrat tried to follow me. He ran past the doorway, and stopped. I said, "Hey, Scrat, I'm in here!" He turned and came right up to me and started climbing up my pant leg. He also does what I call the "Sophie dive." My niece Sophie buries her face in your neck to show affection. Scrat does this also. He loves climbing on my shoulders and rubbing against my neck and face.

Through the process of adopting kittens from a shelter rather than getting them free from someone, I've felt so good about giving orphans a good home. Four kittens were together in one small cage. Scrat and Pip are so obviously happy to have so much space and to have love like they never had in the shelter. I felt better about bringing these kittens into a good home than I ever did when we took kittens directly from their mothers. I appreciate humane societies more now than ever before.

savior of the world

On Tuesday my parents, Stephanie, and I went to Savior of the World in the Conference Center. This was my second time seeing it. In some ways I think it loses impact after the first time, but as I've been thinking about it the last few days, I've come to appreciate it more. One thing that I love about it is that while it focuses on the Savior, it takes a different approach by showing how his birth and resurrection affected other people. I like this better than a repeat of the same story I've known my whole life. I get wrapped up in the commericalized Christmas (no pun intended), and I often forget why we even have reason to celebrate. I do have a testimony of Jesus Christ, and I am so grateful for all that he has done for me. I'm not going to say what that is. Even if I had the time and space for that, I know that he has done things for me that I can't know right now. I'm also glad that we have reason to celebrate, and I am grateful that Christmas celebration is an excuse to bring families together! I am so excited to go to Washington!

unshared poem

Last year at the end of the semester I wrote this poem. I refer to some of my favorite poems that I studied quite thoroughly in my poetry class: "Lake Isle of Innisfree" by William Butler Yeats, "The Tyger" by William Blake, "Carrion Comfort" by Gerard Manley Hopkins, and "Dover Beach" by Matthew Arnold. I know the title is not very creative, but I used the date as a temporary title, but it just kind of stuck. And one thing I've learned about writing is to never impose my own ideas on my writing. I know that sounds silly, but it is so true. Check the sidebar if you would like to read the four "reference poems.""13 December 2007" by Lindsey Kay
I will arise now from the heaps of sultry bodies
Melting, puddling, sinking into one soggy mass.
I will shed the dark cloak that masks my face.
I will shatter the glass that stares back,
Hurt it like it hurts me.
I will tip the goblet of bitter hate back into the pool
Of dissatisfaction.
No more will I answer to the mistress who beckons,
“Come, child, come play. Come play with the Tyger.”
Nor will I kneel beside the carrion and weep,
Nor gaze downward to the deep and misty shadows of the sea.
But I will look on, on to a gold-crested cloud
And there rest for a day
Before turning back to face what stands proudly before me.
I will pull from the ashes my heavy-laden feet
And trample the garish of vain piety.
I will not lie on a blanket and wait
While pale, clammy hands claw my face.
I will not let contentment succor my pain.
I will move on from here, leaving behind the body
That joined the masses to begin with.
She has no place next to me.
A phoenix has risen time and time again
And each time quicker than the time before.

"home" for the holidays

This weekend I made a quick trip back to "the greatest place on Earth!" No, not DisneyLand (though that would have been really cool). I went to Rexburg. I drove up on Friday evening to surprise Elisabeth. She was very surprised! I had a great time up there. I watched two great Christmas movies--A Matter of Principle and the original Miracle on 34th Street. I had not seen either of them. I also watched several episodes of Whose Line is It Anyway?, Time Warp, and Destroyed in Seconds.

On Sunday, the Rexburg 15th Ward had their Christmas program. Elisabeth and Mom & Dad S were in the choir. Mom S also played the piano for the Primary kids, and Elisabeth played her cello for one of the choir pieces. It was a wonderful meeting. On Monday night I went to a REAL Family Home Evening! We went to Andrea (the oldest Samuelson) and Kevin's house for a lesson and activity. They have five boys between 13 and 1 years old--Adam, Nathan, Daniel, Seth, and Isaac. Also, the two younger Samuelson boys were there, Ian and Richard, with their wives and son's--Isaac (Ian's) and Ethan (Richard's). Andrea taught a lesson about gifts from Christ. Then Mom S and Elisabeth played "Sleigh Ride" on the piano. After that the kids went downstairs to watch "How the Grinch Stole Christmas," while the adults and Adam had a "white elephant" exchange. I got four stress-reliever lego pieces. They're fun. We had treats and watched some cute videos of Andrea's boys.

I painted three pictures to give to Dad & Mom S and Elisabeth. They will be up on Blackbird eventually, when I find a way to get the pictures from my camera to my computer. In return, Elisabeth gave me two of her drawings, both very beautiful, and Mom & Dad S gave me a framed picture of the four of us that was taken on Sunday before church. I had a hard time leaving them to come back to Utah, and they are already planning another time for me to come back.

Although I miss Idaho, I'm glad to be back in Utah. Mom & Dad, Stephanie, and I are going to see "Savior of the World" tonight at the Conference Center. On Christmas day we are flying to Washington to be with Sarah and Justin and their families. I'm so excited to be there. After being around so many little kids this weekend, I can't wait to see Sierra, Sophie, Rochelle, and LaMar!