Another Little Change

For several weeks now I've been trying to decide what to do with my hair. I love having long hair, but my hair is so thin that it always looks unhealthy when it's long. So tonight I finally decided to "take the plunge." And when I say that, I don't mean getting married, and I DEFINITELY don't mean getting a swirly. Mom cut my hair. I figure I like it just as much when she cuts it as when I go to someone else to get it cut, only she does it for free. Thanks Mom!

For those who don't know, I'll give an update on my life. A few things have changed here and there. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Agoraphobia in conjunction with the problems I was already having. The good thing is that it doesn't mean a whole lot, other than I now have a better vocabulary to describe my feelings. Both of my counselors were already treating me for BPD, so I won't have any major changes to my treatment (thank goodness!). These problems are difficult to deal with, but I am working hard to get back to school in the fall. I will be moving into LaJolla Apartments again, and hope that this time through I will have better success. We'll see. I'm excited to be back in my ward again. I think school will be good for me as well, though the thought of it scares me to death right now. I have a lot to do to be emotionally stable enough for school. And of course I have a lot of physical things to do in order to be ready. I've finally solidified my classes, though, so that is nice. I purposefully scheduled all my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I will be tutoring throughout the week, and I will be tutored somewhere in there. The reason for planning things this way is so that if I have to come home I will have a much easier time of making that happen. I think a trip or two home during the semester would be a lot better than burning myself out to the point where I have no choice but to come home.

This summer has been good for me in a lot of ways, but I know that I have also been holding myself back in a lot of ways. I think school will help me to take several leaps forward. I have a lot of healing to do, and I think mostly what I need is time.

I will end for now. But I will try to post more often. As fall approaches more things will be happening that I can blog about. I hope everyone out there reading this blog is doing well. I love you all--family and friends. In the words of J.K. Rowling via Gred or Forge Weasley, "Keep each other safe. Keep faith."

To Idaho and Back Again

I know it's been a while since I updated this blog. At last I have something to write about. I just spent almost two weeks in Rexburg with the Samuelsons. I had such a wonderful time there. While I was there I saw both Wall E and Kung Fu Panda (for the second time), and they were absolutely fabulous. I know I say this about every movie, but they are two of my favorites. Seriously. I also introduced the worlds of Brian Regan, "Human Tetris," and "fainting goats" to Elisabeth, and watched them all for endless hours on YouTube. Elisabeth and I spent some time painting, and both Saturdays I was there I watched Scott paint. He is an amazing artist. I love watching him work. I helped with cleaning while I was there, which definitely makes me feel right at home. I played a little too much with the three Samuelson cats--Milo, Asher, and Badger. My hands and feet are practically in pieces because I teased them and then got what I deserved. We watched a lot of Whose Line is It Anyway?, a favorite show in the Samuelson house. We also watched quite a bit on the Food Network, which is quickly becoming one of my favorite channels, and a little Mystery Science Theater 3000. Elisabeth and I both did quite a bit of writing, which was so good for me. It had been a long time since I'd written. Most of the time we spoke to each other in movie quotes. Elisabeth is the first person I've met that has been able to out-quote me! I still have her beat in Disney movies and Brian Regan, but she is quickly learning the best Regan phrases.

I spent Independence Day with the Samuelsons. We didn't make a big deal out of the holiday, which I prefer. Scott made a Dutch oven lunch, and Shauna made vanilla ice cream. It was so good! We spent the rest of the afternoon napping and playing Wii. That night, rather than watching fireworks, we watched a movie called Miss Firecracker, starring Holly Hunter. It was a pretty good movie, but a little depressing.

While I was there, I secured a job at the Reading Center in the McKay Library on campus. Julie Engstrom, the head of the Reading Center, is a good friend of mine. She gave me a job as a tutor that I will begin in the fall. I'm a little nervous about it, but I'm also excited. I finally get to say goodbye to Scroll (I've been waiting for that day!) and now have a job that hopefully won't give me ulcers like being a copy editor. I'm looking forward to the experience.

I am looking forward to getting back to Rexburg for school. In the meantime, I am going to enjoy the rest of my summer as family and friends come to visit. Today Elisabeth is arriving to stay for the week. Later in the month Sarah and her family will be here, and next month I have some extended family coming to stay.

I hope everyone is doing well and had a fun and safe July 4th!

blackbird fly

I decided that I would create a blog just for my artwork. There is a link to it under "my creative outlet." I figure this is a good way for people to see just my artwork, while this blog will be used for other things like writing and such. I hope you enjoy. Feel free to leave comments and critiques on my work.

Back to Art

I took a break from my painting and pastels, but I decided to get back to it. There is this part of me that is so in love with creating something new, of recreating bits of what I've seen, whether with my eyes or with my mind.

Here is a watercolor that I have called "Out Back" after the essay I wrote about my backyard in Washington. This is the famous Japanese Maple Palace. I enjoyed painting it and trying out a new technique of putting salt on the wet paint for some texture.


This is a pastel that I did a while ago, but I didn't post it before. It is called, go figure, "Two Worlds, One Family." It shows how I feel--as though I am truly split into two people. It's not the cheeriest of pictures, but it is often how I feel these days. I think it's about time I share this part of myself.



Part of what I love about pastels is the smearing and blending and the mess it creates. This particular pastel turned my fingers black, but I loved every minute of it. I am so drawn to silhouettes. While watching The Notebook with Stephanie, I got the idea to do a pastel of the moonlight. I'm not sure how much it looks like that, but I still had a good time doing it. I call this one "Silver Stream."


This particular pastel was also fun to create, especially when it came to the blending of the colors. It is called "Fruits of Perelandra." The idea comes from the C.S. Lewis book, Perelandra. I have not finished the book, but I have enjoyed what I have read so far. This is a close look at the fruit in the story, which means perfect fruit to me. It is signifies all that is good and beautiful. I hope you enjoy it like enjoyed creating it.

A New Look

I know it's been a little while since I last posted. Things have been kind of busy between episodes of M*A*S*H and peanut and honey butter sandwiches. :) I know that sounds really bad. I've also been going to counseling, making occasional trips to Rexburg, and even had a wonderful day with my cousin Pamela Yukish who was just in town for a few days. We had a good time catching up...it's been a long time since we last talked. I've also been perfecting my Wii skills. We recently got a Wii Fit. It is one of the most ingenious inventions. I actually enjoy exercising for the first time in my life. We also found the best Wii game for Dad for Father's Day...Rayman Raving Rabbids. The game is hilarious. Steph and I have a great time playing the games together.

Just this weekend we had a shopping excursion in which I got new glasses. They're not the most practical glasses I've owned, but they're fun. I'm still not quite used to them, but that will come with time. And not the most practical picture of me in them, but it's fun. I wore my contacts, but I wanted to show them off. I'll have a better picture of them on here soon.

Newest Artwork

I decided that it has been too long since I did any kind of artwork, so I did one watercolor and a few pastels. Let me know what you think.

Among the Acacia

I have a poem called "Among the Acacia" that I'm not sure if I ever posted. So I am posting that in addition to the painting I like to call "Among the Acacia." It might make the poem clearer. I found this picture in a magazine, and I absolutely had to paint it.

Among the Acacia

Deep freckles, too many to count, and more appear each day
Enormous eyes squint in the bright morning sun.
A giantess, unnoticed.
Week and wobbly, though at first
Elegant and grand one day.

Stretching upward, upward, up
A taste of Acacia dew
Then down, down, down to heaven’s mirror.

High to low, then low to high.

Awkward.
She can’t utter a cry, even in desperation.
Fearful of what may come.
Safety.
Only found at Mother’s side.

Can wind sway her like it does the Acacia?
Can a storm uproot her like a grain?

Tan as grass, brown as Earth.

Beauty.
Gentility.
Grace.