Poisoning Pigeons

Many of you probably know that I absolutely HATE birds. When I was little, I was repeatedly bit by the devil bird Chewy (ironically, she was a lovebird). So when Elisabeth introduced this song to me, I couldn't help by love it instantly. I hope you all enjoy it too!

more and more of the new

Okay, so I feel like I'm constantly updating this puppy, but I guess I just can't stand it. I finally got my new computer! I'm so excited. His name is Benjamin Franklin Pierce, otherwise known as "Hawkeye," fondly named after my favorite TV character. Yes, I am a M*A*S*H "junkie." So, my dear Hawkeye and I are finally getting acquainted. Windows Vista is different. I'm still trying to adjust. But I think it will be fine. So, I'll sign off for now. I have more homework than I know what to do with, so I'm probably going to be up half the night as it is. Oh well. I guess that's the life of a college student. Bye for now.

New Email Address

Just thought I'd let you all know that I have a new email address. I decided that for the purposes of resumes, etc., I'd better have a more professional name than "uproariouswriter" or "rubiks_girl." I won't have my campus email forever, so I figure this is a good time to get a more permanent email address, even if my resident address cannot be so permanent right now. So the new address is lindsey-kay@hotmail.com. Pretty simple. Just the way I like things.

new name, new look

Just so you all know, yes, this is "pogm's page." I just decided it was time for a change. I have recently been intrigued by gray (or as I prefer to spell it, grey). And as I've been learning not to classify things into good and bad, black and white all the time, I've been thinking that it seems we're all just a different shade of grey. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Back to the Burg!

I'm finally back at school! When left in March I thought six months was way too long to be away. But after several trips and lots and lots of therapy and pills, here I am. I'm not sure that I'm really ready to be back. Every day I doubt my decision to be back. But I know that I am very blessed. All of my classes are on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have a job on campus (and I can work the hours I want without the stress of deadlines like Scroll!), great roommates, the best bishopric I think I've ever had, and a warm and comforting home just up the street from my apartment when I just can't take "it" (whatever "it" may be) anymore. I spend most of my time at the Samuelsons. I always feel like a burden, but they assure me they love having me, and are always more than willing to accept me into their family. And when I'm not over there, Shauna asks where I am and why I'm not playing Family Feud or Pyramid with them, or sitting on their couch studying until I either fall asleep or have to hurry back to my apartment before the "sleepy pills" kick in for me and/or Elisabeth. We have a lot of fun watching Brian Regan over and over and over and over (I'm not sure I have enough "over"s in there). Thursday nights are Little Caesars pizza nights, and Sundays are Iron Chef nights. Lately Shauna, Elisabeth, and I have been watching Project Runway. It's not usually one I would watch on my own, but once it gets turned on, I just can't peel my eyes away.

But being "back to school" is not all about TV and Brian Regan and Meet the Robinsons and sleeping pills (though sometimes it seems like it). I am taking a lighter load of classes this semester than ever before, but that does not mean that it's easy by any means. I'm having a great struggle trying to find my place, trying to find a routine, trying to decide if I'm really ready to be back at school. But still I go, meeting with a counselor once a week and a psychiatrist once a month (incidentally, he is the father of my good friend Nicolas Zohner), and I try to get my homework done even when I don't feel up to it. Besides tutor training, I am taking two online classes (very simple, basic courses on time management and note-taking), and three classes that I attend on Tuesdays and Thursdays.

The first class is American Literature: Colonial to Romantic. I have Brother Hammond for this class, a teacher I've never had before, but I will definitely take more classes from him in the future. He is a wonderful teacher, and I absolutely LOVE the subject matter. We get to read fun things like Native American creation and flood stories--very fascinating and often so full of truth--and letters written by Christopher Columbus and various Puritans. I've always been afraid of works written during this time period, but I'm finding that it's really not as difficult as I'd always thought.

Next I have Young Adult Literature, taught by Paula Soper, one of my dear friends. This is one of the classes that I was enrolled in last winter when I dropped out. I absolutely love this class. I get to read all kinds of books that I probably wouldn't normally pick up but that are so amazing. And what's awesome is that I'm getting credit for reading them! I have to be careful, though, because I tend to put off my other homework, and I have great justification for it--it's homework too! And the Book Orders. Oh Book Orders. I have a great weakness for them. Somehow I managed to get away with only spending $10.00 on the September Book Order!

And finally, I have Doctrines of the Gospel. I would say this is my favorite class, but I love all my classes so much. My teacher is Brother Wightman, the same teacher I had for all of my scripture-based classes. He is one of the best teachers I've ever had. Going into class is like walking into a portal where everything in the world completely disappears and we have a full hour to ask questions and explore some of the deep doctrines of the gospel. I get more in one of those lessons than I do in a whole three hours of church.

Some of you may know that while I was struggling this summer, my church attendance slipped. You can be sure that it is not because I was losing my testimony. And now, in a desire to commit myself more fully to Heavenly Father, I have been attending my ward from 9-12, and then going to the Samuelsons' ward from 1-4. Pulling double-duty is difficult, but I feel like I owe it to myself and to God to make up for the lost time. And I'm actually enjoying going to both wards.

I should probably end for now. I will try to keep this blog updated as much as possible. It's not like my life is all that exciting, so it might not get updated too much...But you never know what might happen in Rexburg. :) Check out my suggested reading list if you're interested in some GREAT books.

New Painting

For those interested, I have done a new painting that I posted on my other blog "blackbird fly." You can click on the link in the sidebar to see the pictures.

Another Little Change

For several weeks now I've been trying to decide what to do with my hair. I love having long hair, but my hair is so thin that it always looks unhealthy when it's long. So tonight I finally decided to "take the plunge." And when I say that, I don't mean getting married, and I DEFINITELY don't mean getting a swirly. Mom cut my hair. I figure I like it just as much when she cuts it as when I go to someone else to get it cut, only she does it for free. Thanks Mom!

For those who don't know, I'll give an update on my life. A few things have changed here and there. I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and Agoraphobia in conjunction with the problems I was already having. The good thing is that it doesn't mean a whole lot, other than I now have a better vocabulary to describe my feelings. Both of my counselors were already treating me for BPD, so I won't have any major changes to my treatment (thank goodness!). These problems are difficult to deal with, but I am working hard to get back to school in the fall. I will be moving into LaJolla Apartments again, and hope that this time through I will have better success. We'll see. I'm excited to be back in my ward again. I think school will be good for me as well, though the thought of it scares me to death right now. I have a lot to do to be emotionally stable enough for school. And of course I have a lot of physical things to do in order to be ready. I've finally solidified my classes, though, so that is nice. I purposefully scheduled all my classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays. I will be tutoring throughout the week, and I will be tutored somewhere in there. The reason for planning things this way is so that if I have to come home I will have a much easier time of making that happen. I think a trip or two home during the semester would be a lot better than burning myself out to the point where I have no choice but to come home.

This summer has been good for me in a lot of ways, but I know that I have also been holding myself back in a lot of ways. I think school will help me to take several leaps forward. I have a lot of healing to do, and I think mostly what I need is time.

I will end for now. But I will try to post more often. As fall approaches more things will be happening that I can blog about. I hope everyone out there reading this blog is doing well. I love you all--family and friends. In the words of J.K. Rowling via Gred or Forge Weasley, "Keep each other safe. Keep faith."