save me

Here is my latest poem. I actually have one that I wrote before this called, "Anya Sees the Gulf of Mexico," but that poem is still under construction. I'll post it once I've finished it.

The assignment was to write about a phobia or anxiety using understatement. Of course you all know that my list of phobias and anxieties is never-ending, so I picked the first phobia I remember having. The picture I selected for this poem made me sick to look at. I hope you enjoy.

Save Me

Button eyes, fuzzy down,

bright green wings,
a small red head,

and a peach face.

A beautiful creature

made by the hand of God.

Once an egg

and now a live thing.

Her tiny talons

aren't really that sharp,

and her smooth beak is blunted

a little bit.

She searches the house,

scavenging for food.

It's what she was born to do;

to feed her babies.

A small child plays

with paper dolls

that have been chewed on the edges

by the clever little beak.

The bird calls

when she has found

her little piece of prey

in the living room.

Screams, but not very loud,

and a mother runs to find

the source

and to comfort the child.

The ear doesn't bleed much,

and Chewy is put back in her cage

to think about her naughty

deed that she is sure to try again tomorrow.

carmen

Most of you know that I've been working on a novel for seven years. I am not used to calling it that. It's always just been "my project," but I am learning that I need to call it what it is. For one of my creative writing classes this semester, my final project is to submit a work for publishing, and I decided that I'm ready to be done with Carmen. I've been tweaking her for so long that I wouldn't just finish it, and the time has come for me to move on.

The idea for Carmen came to me in high school. I first started writing her one Sunday in a sacrament meeting when I was having a difficult time concentrating. Rather than writing the story chronologically, I wrote different sections at different times, and eventually I had all these little pieces of a story that I then put together. Now that I have the whole story down in sequential order, I'm in the editing process.

I would tell more about my baby, but I'm not quite ready to share more than this. I hope that soon I will be able to show it rather than just talk about it.

tale of two poems

In one of my two creative writing classes I have been writing poetry. I have two that I would like to share. The first is from an assignment in which I had to interview someone 75 or older and write a poem about them. I decided to interview Grammy, and I had a wonderful time talking with her. She gave me a lot of information, which made the assignment much easier. The second assignment was done in class today. We picked 3-5 cards that had words and images written on them. One said "amulet," one said "size," one said "archetypal helper," one said "river", and one was a picture of hands. Anyway, I had to write a poem connecting the objects/words. It was not an easy task for the half hour we were given, but I came up with something, and that is the second poem.

Dancing

The lights blaze and the music pounds
from the nickelodeon.
I'm just a young girl who works
in the Chocolate Shop in Bisbee, North Dakota.
I dance with Harold,
a sister and brother.
We dance all night. A nickel per song,
and we dance until every song has been played.

Dad doesn't drink these days
He doesn't argue, doesn't beat up Mom.
These are the sweetest days.
We're happy.
I'm happy.
I dance.

In the morning I go to school,
the only school in Bisbee,
and I jump and dance with the rest of the cheerleaders,
"Bisbee can do what Cando can't do,
Cando can't do what Bisbee can do,
Yea Bisbee!"

Harry is in the Navy, Blanche lives with Marv.
When they come back home they refuse
to stay in a small town for long.
Mom won't live without her children.
And so we move
to Renton, Washington.

It's less than glamorous.
We live in a tent.
No bathroom. No running water. No electricity.
Worse than the primitive farm in Bisbee.
The cold seeps through the thin canvas
That shelters us from the weather.
I cannot get warm.

I start at Renton High School,
and we move to a new home.
Floors, walls, and ceilings.
Three small bedrooms,
a table and chairs and beds.
Pots of food are left by the previous tenants.
Feces on the walls.
But it is luxurious to us,
very different from our tent.

Mom buys her beauty shop, a beautiful
small shop in Skyway
next to a barber shop.
But Dad comes home drunk
and Mom has to hide us so he can't
beat us like he beats her.
He stabs her in the rib with a butcher's knife
and she files for divorce.

We do not live in fear after a time.
He's not coming back.
We live. We work. We host parties.
We dance.

The Amulet

The river widens at some points
And thins out at others,
But all the points still fade
Into the vast horizon.
It beckons me, calls me, pulls me
In with more force
Than I can stand.

Come to the amulet, it says.
The amulet knows all.
It will give you peace.
It will make you rejoice.

I walk, slowly at first,
Along the river’s bank.
Perhaps I am traveling a great distance,
But perhaps not at all.
The horizon never seems to get any closer.

I see a man beside the river,
A man who searches for water but cannot
Find the rush of the liquid before him.
“Here,” I say, dipping
My hands into the river.
“Drink, and be renewed.”
The old man drinks,
But once he has had his fill
He leaves without uttering
A word of thanks.

I feel the power of the amulet
Again calling me.
The river calls me.
It shows me the way.
But once I reach the river’s end
I only find a crystal lake.
No amulet, just my own reflection
Staring back at me.

unorganized

This semester is already almost half over. I can't believe how fast the time has past. Between trips home to Utah and going to classes (a much more difficult task than it sounds), I feel like I'm always incredibly unorganized. One look at my desk shows you how crazy my life has been. I haven't looked at my planner in a few weeks. I've been, to use a cliche that I hate, "flying by the seat of my pants." But I am still breathing. I am still living. My roommates are great. Every night we have apartment prayer, and that has become a great bonding time as we laugh and joke about the day and then calm down enough to pray. Sometimes it's difficult to settle down once we've started laughing. I am no longer the oldest girl in my apartment. NaDene and Monica recently returned from missions. They were companions, and together they bring a lot of life to the apartment. Clarissa and Izzy were in the apartment with me last semester, and they are both sweet girls. Emily is also really nice, though she is not often at the apartment because she has a boyfriend. Together, we all balance each other out, and we have yet to have any big conflicts. I really couldn't ask to be with a better group of roommates.

young adult lit blog

I don't know if any of you are interested in reading young adult books, but I have some great books that I read for the young adult literature class I took last semester. One of my projects was to create a blog of the books I read. I am continuing to add other books. If you haven't read many young adult books, I suggest you read some. They are wonderful because they're quick and entertaining, while they still have some very mature themes and concepts that apply to adults. So if you want some recommendations, click on the link on the side panel and it will take you to the blog.

monday, monday

Another beautiful day in Rexburg, but today I actually wore long sleeves because it was a little chilly outside. This semester has so far been very busy, and I can't believe how quickly it's passing. Actually, I kind of wish it would hurry up so I can be done with classes. How stressful. Five classes this semester in addition to my job at the McKay Library Reading Center. I am taking two creative writing classes, A LOT of work, an American literature class, also a lot of work, a church history class, again a lot of work, and art. I'm not talking the easy "draw-a-circle-and-you-get-an-A" art. My perfectionism is almost too much for me to handle sometimes. I'm working really hard to not let it become an issue. However, it's hard to change a personality trait I was born with. Classes are going reasonably well. I just need to work on getting caught up and staying caught up.

That's all for now. Hope everyone is doing well!

the most magical place on earth and other fun places

The last month or so has been so busy. Sarah, Jessica, and their kids came to visit us for a few weeks. We had so much fun playing with the kids. Lily is getting so big, and is such a sweetheart. LaMar and Rochelle are growing up so fast. LaMar slept on the floor in my room, and my favorite part of the day was bedtime when I got to put him in bed and read stories. He is a sweet boy. Rochelle played dress-up and house, and all kinds of things. Sophie is no longer a baby! She is still as friendly as can be, and she, too, is sweet and fun. She is full of mischief. Sierra is a beautiful girl, ready to go into young women's on Sunday. Her twelfth birthday is on Saturday. She started junior high yesterday. I can't believe how grown-up she is.

For Stephanie's and Sierra's birthdays, the three of us spent three days in Disneyland. It was so fun going with Sierra, who had never been before. We went on almost every ride, met several characters, and went to some shows. My favorite was Soarin', a ride/show about California. You sit in front of a huge screen, they move the seats up high so you feel like you're in a hang-glider, and you see, hear, and smell beautiful California landscapes. Next to that, my favorite ride was the good old Space Mountain. I love not knowing where the track is going to take you. It makes the ride so much more exciting. Sierra's favorite ride was the Hollywood Tower of Terror. They take you up into what is supposed to be an old hotel where the elevator stops working at the top of the building. Then you plummet, free falling down, shooting back up, then dropping again. It is by far the scariest thing I have ever done. Thank goodness for anxiety meds.

After coming home from Disneyland we drove to Washington for Brianne's wedding. She was a beautiful bride. I still have a hard time believing that she's married. While in Washington we were able to spend more time with family. Rochelle and LaMar were part of the wedding party, so they were all dressed up. It was so cute. At the reception we danced with the kids. Justin and Jessica danced, and Rochelle and LaMar were trying to copy everything their parents did. It was funny to watch Rochelle, who is quite a bit taller than LaMar, try to spin into LaMar's arms and dip like Justin does with Jessica. What funny kids.

I'm going back to Rexburg on Tuesday. I'm grateful for this break, but I'm kind of ready to get back into school. I'm starting to get what I can only guess is the beginnings of senior-itis. I changed my major to English education, and I am ready to finish school so that I can start working, making money, and moving on with my life. I think I'm done being the student. I want to be the teacher for a little while. Stephanie's going back to school has made me want to become a teacher even more. I know it will be difficult, but I think I'm up for the challenge. I guess we'll see how ready I am in a year or two!